I never realized what all these other women with girlfriends knew. That dating girls is empowering. You see, I never had many girlfriends growing up, or even now in adulthood. I’m not the sit around on the phone yapping all evening type. Taking a trip to the shopping mall doesn’t quite ring my bell.
I didn’t know about this unsung, I am woman – pole dancing for empowerment and exercise – not money, thing! I never realized how big and full we were as women, and I don’t mean in size or weight. Let me just get THAT out of the way in the second 5 lines of this little coup de grace. How did I not realize all along how strong and beautiful women were? I mean seriously…I AM one of them after all. How is it that I didn’t see that in ME all along?
Now I realize why guys can become strung-out. Right now I’m so into woman-ness I could very well become strung out too. I would date one, sure! Why not?! Not such a bad idea, right. Some men aren’t owning up to their man-ness anyway, so why not date a woman instead.
Here in lies the rub – I don’t particularly like vagina. I’m even afraid to stare mine in the eye sometimes, so I wouldn’t want to be frightened by someonelse’s. Women also come with a whole host of PMS inclined issues that can make them a little less than desirable as well. Now, now, before you go sputtering and cackling about how that’s not true, harken back to YOUR last monthly. How high up on the “bitch meter” were you? C’mon you know it’s true. Sometimes, I don’t even want to be around myself when I’m on my period! Period!
Therefore, I would need to perfect the art of dating girls w/o the sexual strings and the threat of the dreaded (PMS) Pre Monster-al Syndrome. Guys, the poor things, have to deal with all the wonderful PMS stuff we have to offer them; with the hope that there is some pay-off for dealing with us. Cake! They just want to eat the cake. Ok, ok, not all of them want to eat our cakes. Some of them will wash your car for you, and take you out, and give you great conversation…then, try to eat your cake. Inspite of the 28 day monster who lurks within.
I should date my sisters, that way I’d have great conversation and a good time eating, drinking and laughing, and at the end of the night I wouldn’t have to worry about my cake. Maybe I can date my co-workers. I’d date ones I admire, the ones with great work ethic who are dependable. You know, the dependable girlfriend who you call at 9:00 pm on a mid-week night when you are in a high and drunken stupor. You tell her to “get dressed”, ask her “how many drinks have you had already?” and immediately she knows what’s up; that it’s time to hit the streets! She shows up at your place, and rides out with you, like any dependable girl would. You have a great time. She listen’s to you complain and anguish over everything from your idiot boyfriend to your mind-sucking job; all the while pouring over strategies and solutions with you. Giving the best of herself to you. Never is there a threat of cake-taking. Never an utterance of “can I come in and spend the night?”, at the end of your mid-week late night romp around the city.
She’ll hug you give you a kiss on the cheek and say “had a great time girl, TTYL!”
I think I have it figured out now. In my attempt to cross the globe I will date many women. Not all at the same time though, that would make me a womanizer. I will make friends with them and bask in the wonderment of their woman-ness. I would probably date the more mature ones, that are (PMS) Past Menstruation Stage. The ones who have it all worked out about life. The ones that sit at side walk cafes and bistros sipping Malbec and Gewurtztraminer, or other unpronounceable wines. I am positive they would have great advice on how to get rid of idiot boyfriends or mind-sucking jobs. Or better, how to become your own boss and, marry rich! We would laugh about how great women are, and how beautiful, complicated, intricate and delicate we become as we get older. We would discuss ticking biological clocks. We would ogle hot Italian men, and figure out how to get them to eat our cake…without letting on that it was our intent all along.
Written by,
Melissa Jean-Louis.
© 2013
SleepSoupSexTravel 